Self-judgment is a pervasive issue, deeply tied to the workings of our ego. As spiritual beings in human bodies, we often don’t realize how much our ego quietly judges us and others, leading to stress, anxiety, and eventually physical ailments. Heart problems, digestive issues, and other illnesses often trace back to mental and emotional stress—the mind being the true origin of these conditions. Understanding and overcoming the automatic nature of this internal criticism is essential to healing.
The Ego’s Role in Judging
The ego’s primary function is to maintain the illusion of separation. It does this by constantly assessing our actions, thoughts, and experiences against an internalized set of standards that we are often unaware of. The problem arises when this assessment becomes chronic judgment, both toward ourselves and others. This unconscious process creates internal tension that manifests as emotional suffering, and over time, this stress impacts the body in ways we may not immediately recognize.
In essence, if you are suffering in any way, chances are the ego is the culprit. But here’s the catch: most of us don’t even know we’re judging ourselves because it’s become so ingrained and automatic.
Signs You Are Judging Yourself
Do you find yourself holding back from speaking your truth for fear of what others might think? Are you constantly trying to fit into a mold, afraid of standing out? These are clear signs of self-judgment. If you aren’t living authentically, you are likely judging yourself. And this judgment stems from the ego’s fear of non-existence. As long as the ego can maintain control, it will keep you stuck in a cycle of judgment and fear.
Becoming Conscious: The Key to Stopping Judgment
The first step to overcoming self-judgment is becoming aware of it. Since judging often operates below the surface, we need to bring it into conscious awareness. As spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle often emphasizes, presence is the antidote to the ego’s unconscious hold over us. When you become fully present, the ego has no room to operate its usual patterns. Judging is an unconscious reaction, but presence makes everything conscious.
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel free to express my opinions without fear?
- Do I constantly second-guess my choices?
- Am I trying to be someone I’m not?
By observing these patterns, you become aware of the ego’s influence and begin the process of loosening its grip. But eventually, the more you work on your own ego issues, the more others will try to influence you to go back to the ego state of consciousness.
You Are Who You Hang Around
Limiting interactions with judgmental and gossipy people is crucial for preserving your energy and maintaining your spiritual growth. These individuals often operate from a place of ego, projecting their own insecurities and judgments onto others, which can easily pull you into their negative frequency. When you engage with them, their ego-driven behavior begins to overlay your own thoughts, making it harder to remain centered and aligned with your higher self. As you move toward a more conscious way of being, transcending the ego’s game, their energy can weigh you down, causing you to slip back into old patterns. The key is to create healthy boundaries, recognizing that their judgments belong to them and not engaging with their negativity. By doing so, you protect your peace and allow yourself to continue ascending into a new reality, unburdened by the lower vibrational energy of judgment.
If setting boundaries with gossipy, judgmental people is not possible, being around them can actually become a valuable opportunity for self-reflection. By observing how they indulge in the ego’s delusions—judging others, creating grandiose fantasies, and projecting their insecurities—you gain a clear view of how the ego operates. Their judgments reflect their own inner turmoil and fear, providing a mirror for the insanity of the ego’s need to control and compare. In witnessing their behavior, you begin to recognize the same patterns within yourself, if you dare to look. This insight can lead to a profound breakthrough, as seeing the ego’s dysfunction in others allows you to confront and dismantle it within yourself. The judgments they make on others often reveal the very illusions the ego feeds you, and this awareness becomes the key to your own liberation from its grip.
Shadow Work: Uncovering the Roots of Self-Judgment
Shadow work is an essential practice to stop judging yourself. It involves confronting the parts of yourself you hide or deny—the “shadow.” We often judge others because we judge those same traits within ourselves. When you see others with compassion, it becomes easier to extend that same compassion inward. Shadow work helps us recognize that we are all flawed, yet these flaws do not define us.
Engaging in a daily or weekly shadow work practice can be transformative in releasing the judgments we hold about ourselves and others. Over time, this practice allows us to confront the unconscious parts of ourselves—the traits, fears, and beliefs we’ve buried in our shadow due to socialization and judgment. By consistently bringing these hidden aspects into the light, we begin to understand the root causes of our judgments and why we’ve held onto them for so long. As these judgments surface and are acknowledged, they lose their grip on us, and we find ourselves moving toward inner freedom. This process, though gradual, works because the judgments we make stem from wounds inflicted by society, family, and past experiences. The more we work with these shadow aspects, the more we liberate ourselves from the burden of living inauthentically, controlled by external expectations.
Utilizing Tools For Shadow Work
A highly effective tool for shadow work is the Concrete Shamanism Deck and Guidebook. This innovative method offers an accessible, physical experience for engaging with the shadow, either daily or weekly. Unlike journaling or typical prompts, which can feel rigid or limited in their scope, the deck allows the shadow to reveal itself naturally. The cards present questions and insights you would never think to ask yourself, often in a kind yet confrontational manner. This approach creates a dynamic experience where the cards gently force you to face parts of yourself you might otherwise avoid. In doing so, the judgments you carry—placed there because of how you were socialized—begin to dissolve. Whether it’s self-criticism or judgments of others, the Concrete Shamanism Deck helps you release these outdated beliefs by guiding you into a deeper understanding of how they formed in the first place.
The brilliance of this deck lies in its ability to make the abstract experience of shadow work tangible. By holding and drawing the cards, you engage not just mentally but physically, creating a ritualistic element to the practice that deepens its impact. The digital version of the deck is available for free, and for those who prefer a tactile experience, physical copies are available for purchase. This tool serves as a companion in your journey, helping you reclaim parts of yourself that were once rejected. The shadow holds the traits, ideas, and behaviors that no longer serve you, but which continue to shape your reactions and judgments. By working consistently with the Concrete Shamanism Deck, you open the door to release these aspects, allowing them to integrate or dissolve, freeing you from the weight of unconscious patterns. This gradual process of liberation unfolds in the form of self-acceptance and the softening of judgments—both toward yourself and others.
Rewriting the Ego’s Program
Through regular shadow work, we gradually chip away at the ego’s defenses by releasing judgments we’ve held about ourselves and others. However, as we progress, we inevitably encounter more stubborn ego issues that resist change. These deep-seated patterns often manifest physically as chronic pain, such as headaches or stomach problems, which are a result of the ego’s stronghold over our mind and body. The ego, in its desperation to maintain control, colonizes our thinking processes and distracts us with physical discomfort, steering our focus toward pain rather than the underlying solution. The key to overcoming these stubborn ego-based issues is to recognize the ego’s tactics and rewrite its program. By consciously reprogramming our thoughts and beliefs, we can liberate ourselves from the ego’s grip, allowing healing and true freedom to emerge.
Think of the ego as a faulty computer program. It’s filled with outdated beliefs and fears that no longer serve your highest good. The beauty of being a conscious being is that you can rewrite this program. When you stop believing every thought the ego throws at you, it loses its power. You can install a new way of thinking that is aligned with your true, divine nature.
You can think of the ego as a conscious entity, driven by a strong will to survive. The closer you come to dismantling it, the harder it fights back—much like a cornered animal. When you focus solely on eliminating the ego, it’s like stepping into a cage with an angry tiger. The ego will retaliate fiercely, and you might find yourself overwhelmed, even defeated. However, overcoming the ego doesn’t have to take years of struggle. It happens in the present moment, and the first step is simply realizing that you have an ego at all. This realization is the hardest part, and very few people ever achieve it. Most of humanity remains unaware of their ego’s influence, but for the few who are brave enough to confront it, the process of transcending the ego becomes straightforward. The key is presence—by staying aware of the ego in each moment, you can neutralize its power instantly. The true challenge is maintaining that awareness, but once you do, overcoming the ego’s influence becomes remarkably simple.
To overcome the ego:
- Refuse to play the ego’s game. The ego’s survival depends on your involvement. When you disengage and refuse to take its judgments seriously, it loses its control over you.
- Realize the ego is not you. You are an immortal, divine being having a human experience. When you die, the ego dies with your body, but your consciousness continues. The ego fears its death, which is why it works so hard to keep you distracted with trivial judgments and worries.
Once this is understood, follow these tips below.
Tips to Stop Judging Yourself
- Become present. As mentioned earlier, practice mindfulness. When you’re present, the ego’s chatter quiets down.
- Engage in shadow work. Reflect on the traits you dislike in others, and see how they relate to your own judgments. When you accept yourself fully, flaws and all, you stop judging.
- Change your self-talk. Challenge negative thoughts when they arise. Ask, “Is this true?” Often, the ego’s judgments are exaggerations or flat-out falsehoods.
- Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend in need. Show kindness toward yourself when you feel inadequate.
- Start judging—consciously. One unconventional approach is to consciously judge others. When you allow yourself to do this openly, you’ll start to see how absurd these judgments are. This exercise reveals how judgment is simply a trick of the ego.
By judging consciously, you can observe the absurdity of the process. The ego convinces you that judging is wrong, yet it is constantly judging you. When you see how ridiculous these judgments are, it becomes easier to laugh at the ego and release its hold over you.
The Burden Of Self-Judgement
Self-judgment is a heavy burden, but one we can lift through awareness and conscious practice. By becoming present, engaging in shadow work, and shifting your self-talk, you can free yourself from the grip of the ego. Remember, the ego wants you to stay in a cycle of suffering, but your true nature is beyond all of that.
